doo probleme.
1. prima problema [in ordinea cronologica] este pungile de cacat latratoare din bucurejti. saracutzii cacatzei maidanezi. pe care zombie6 i-ar holocaustiza personal. si care datorita unor cretini si muiste cu milan gaura curului nu au fost eradicatzi vreodata suficient.
2. a doua problema este biciclizmuismul care rupe anal hipsterimea de dambovitza. vai, sunt atat de eco-friendly si socially trendy ca la berlin si amsterdham, imi asud goaza pe bicicleta si ascult mgmt in i-pod. dupa care ma dau jos si inainte sa intru la jobu de pr, advertising sau blogareala pseudo-culturala sau vintage fair fac poze cu i-phonu.pe care le pun pe facebook.
DAR atunci cand un hispter mega-penal si mega faker ca solistul hiena de la trupa animal X este mujcat de caini maidanezi in timp ce bicicle-muia [prin orash] se deschide o dezbatere despre cum ca trebe lichidatzi si lichefiatzi cac-cainii maidanezi.
[link]
este singura data in viatza lui zombie6 cand gasejte ca biciclijtii au un scop pe lumea asta. si ironia futanda a sorztii face ca o hiena mujcata de un caine sa deschida una dintre cele mai utile discutzii si dezbateri bucurejtiului.
the phantom from space
[movie]
poztere sublime, costumul phantomului genial. filmu suspect de non-retard [in ciuda unui cacat de caine zdrentzaros al pizdii care este du trop si care nici nu o mierlejte]. acum chestia in costum este ceva care nu are un scop precis [mister, mdap, frumos] care functzioneaza deloc conform cu legile biologiei pamantene [respira ceva letal humanoizilor, fara coztum este invizibil, este cam radio-activ] si final touch-ul care ma face sa cred ca ar fi vorba de un film above the alien invades the earth media sunt doo tushe foarte bine puse: un cod morse care NU e morse si creatura care aduce a capetele de pe insula pajtelui.
zombie6 vrea si el un costum ca ala. sau roshu sau galben.
apropos de misleading posters pizda din film este cat se poate de blonziu-shatena.
wonderfully trashy B-series
[attack of] the giant leeches. aka demons of the swamp este minunat si are asupra lu zombie6 facsinatzia aceea foarte aparte si foarte ravisanta pe care o exercita in general filmele cu mlajtini. mai ales ca asta e si cheap-o si un loc comun de la cap la coada.
deci nijte lipitori gigantice ataca NUMAI PE CINE TREBE [cuplu adulterin, doi mojnegi inutili societatzii] in timp ce pularaul [care este ceva gen biolog marin de mlajtina] nu vrea sa utilizeze dinamita [ca cica ar distruge wild-life-ul care oricum nu mai este prin zona pentru ca afost sucked into obliterance by the giant leeches]. pizdoaica este fiica unui docteur care vrea sa utilizeze dinamita.
lipitorile sunt oameni in costume de lipitori gigantice. cauzate de utilizarea unor chestii radioactive la cape-canaveral. daca am inteles eu bine plotu.
[movie]
very much entertaining in sensul acela de vintage delight cu oameni in costume de monjtrii atomici.
si adaugire cum nu se poate mai ferice la lista de creaturi care [mutantzi sau nu] ucide in filme dar care nu ucide in realitatzi:
1. lipitori
2. limaxi
3. furnici
4. iepuri gigantici
5. pescarushi [si alte pasari]
6. shobolani
7. lilieci
8. etc
chestia de cacat e ca cel mai muist prieten al omului, recte punga de cacat latratoare nu este villified decat in doo filme: cujo [era turbat si familia supravietzuiejte, de absolut tot cacatu film facut dupa un muism semnat stephen king in faza FAMILISTA] si rotweiller [cred ca brian yuzna, deliciously retarded dosploitation]. si nici un film cu atomic murderous baby selas nu s-a facut. inca.
the brain that wouldn't die este un misleadingly titled movie. pentru ca de fapt si de drept este o poveste cu transplant de cap care nici macar nu are timp sa go wrong pentru ca nu se intampla deloc. si afishul este misleading, adicatelea nu se expune niciun creier cu ochi in el in tot filmu.
un docteur care face experimente are accident de masina si ii moare pizda. in mod foarte convenabil cu capatzana retezata, jane mansfieldian de-a dreptu. si doctoru ia caparzana si o mentzine in viatza si cauta un corp valabil estetique si dotat cu juicy cunt pe care sa il decapiteze ca sa poata repune in functziune pizda mult -amata. care este o total bitch si in ti ce functzioneaza ca cap decapitat in laborator incepe sa zgandare un mutant feroce care este creat tot de doctor si care este inchis.
acum se cere mentzionate: frankensteinurile dar si les yeux sans visage. si all in all un filmuletz de gen o ora si un pic care tot reuseste sa aiba montaj deficitar si care despite all this este mult mai dejtept decat ar fi de asteptat. zic asta pe baza finalului in care everybody gets what they trully deserve: capul de pizda un calush in gura, doctoru si asistentu deces flamabnt si monstrul o pizda [cap plus corp] nitzel desfigurata.
dialogurile sunt ed woodiene:
i gotta have limbs for my transplant experiments!! i gotta have them!!!! [zisa de doctor altui doctor apropos de scurmarea prin gunoiaele de la morga]
dar si incomensurabila
you're nothing but a freak of life! and a freak of death! [zisa de catre asistentul doctorului catre capul de pizda]
[movie]
[movie]
uluitorul om transparent vine de la invisible man dar nu se abtzine de la pudibonedie [deh, un jefuitor de banci evadata devine invizibil cu hainele pe el ca deh, morala epocii]. deci mai degraba banal decat b-anal dar totushi se cere mentzionat hamsteru invizibil si discursurile despre cum ar putea fi folosita o armata invizibila.
the forgotten dreams of a long-gone space-era.
nimic mai emotioant decat visele moarte, absurde si splendide ale altor epoci, mai ales daca-i vorba de era spatziala. anii 50-60, cu visele lor cosmonautico-astronautice sunt, de fapt si de drept la fel d indepartate ca secolele de agonie ale imperiului roman sau ca a 5a dinastie de dupa unificarea egiptului.
la modul artistico-cinico-cultural piramidele si apeductele fac mai multe parale decat tv-show-ul cu aterizarea pe luna. da miturile din egiptu antic sau marmurele romane nu-s capabile de propaganda asta sulbim de eiftin emotzionala, cu cosmonautzi care cuceresc spatziul cosmic.
zise zombie6, bolnav si deprimat si mai lua o gura de roibos cu mango.
apoi continua mafaldique:
primul om care va pune picioru pe luna va fi chinez sau nu va fi deloc.
luchadores dans les movies
[full movie. en espagnol]
cireasha de pe coliva:
movie sample cu midget, luchadores si momias [sau zombies, nu miam dat seama, desi nu mujca, deci nu sunt zombiez]
there is no news like dead baby news
BEIJING – The bodies of 21 babies, some with hospital identification tags around their tiny ankles, washed ashore on a river in eastern China and two mortuary workers were detained for allegedly dumping them.
News footage Tuesday showed the babies — at least one of whom was stuffed in a yellow plastic bag marked "medical waste" — strewn along a dirt riverbank near a highway overpass. A few wore diapers. All were caked in mud.
Some of the babies appeared several months old, while the official Xinhua News Agency said the bodies included fetuses.
Local residents and firefighters recovered the bodies Monday after they were discovered under a bridge spanning the Guangfu River on the outskirts of Jining in Shandong province.
Interviews with residents who made the grisly find were broadcast on the Web site of the Shandong Broadcasting Company. One said he thought a body was a toy, but then he spotted several others. Another expressed concern because the river is a source of drinking water for villagers living nearby
[yahoo]
doo chestii d citit
1. dsp romania
2. desp le corbusier, omul care se masturba turnandu-si betoane in goaz. primul ayatolah al betoanelor anoste
[via paralele-paralele]
non-uluitoare jtiri
in metroul din moscova au exploadata doi terorijti. aparent ceceni
angela merkel n-a fost deloc angelica pe durata vizitei in turcia.
ca urmare a scandalurilor sexuale care afuma vaticanul numaru de plozi fututzi de catre preotzi catolici a scazut dramatic: de la 17.359 la 16.925. pe zi.
tot apropos de cacanareli cretino-crejtine, un grup de militantzi ai lu isus planuiau nijte atentate in sua.
ricky martin a declarat ca practica poponautismul. e ca si cand pamela anderson ar fi declarat: "imi dau seama ca am tazatze mari"
oricum, in onoarea acestui moment se cere ascultat aceasta piesa.
zombie6 se intreaba daca nu cumva portoricanu ricky martin a fost abuzat sexual de vreun preot catolique.
laureatzii premiilor gopo
un cacalau de premii mari pentru porumboiu si politzistu' lu peste. macar nu-i un film toxic, se putea si MULT mai rau. alte premii "mai secundare si tehnice" pentru concertul. la mediocrite, toujours la mediocrite
premiul de documentar [lumea vazuta de ion B] s-a dat mai mult pentru subiect decat pentru ce ar trebui sa fie un documentar. la scurt-metraje nu stiu cum sa zic, dar din varza aia totala de nominalizari a luat nunta lui oli. un film deosebit de trist si mizerabilist. poate cel mai putin contra-facut dar cu absolut nimic de zis.
conform dictonului cum te violeaza unu/unii intr-un film cum iei premii s-a dat gopo-ul de interpretare feminina lu katalyn varga.
apropos de porumboiu si rolu secundar si scenariu mi se par beacoup du trop. pentru ca juma din film e de regie, nu de dialog sau happening-uri si doi pentru ca bebe ivanov [da, jtiu ca-l cheama vlad] este prea peste tot. poate o juca draq si in concertu.
[lista completa]
rateuri
[trailer]
high plains invaders este un western sci-fi execrat, adicatelea pardon filmat in romanica. in care apare si dan bordeanu. care moare in primele 10 minute. chestie intr-adevar minunata. dar filmu mai continua vreo ora si 20. anost, jucat execrabil. plat. invazorii sunt somehow cool. ideea [o mina de uraniu foarte avant-la-lettre atrage o nava cozmica si scorpionii galactici] este penal explicata si bad acting-ul pizdey care este bounty hunter este beyond over the top.
[in imaginile d mai sus anusul cu tentacule mecanico-metalice din alta galaxie absoarbe sufletu din hoitu le dan B]
din pacate nu-i so bad it's good. dar este imbucurator ca vedetele s vedetzii actoriei made in ro incep sa crape prin schitty horrors. macar acolo.
[trailer]
deci: nu fluiera nimeni [pt ca e drama] nu moare nimeni [pentru ca e cretin scenarizat] nu se fute nimeni [dar ar fi fost frumos un viol colectiv] si nu exploadeaza nimic [pentru ca este o facatura minimalisto-mizerabilisto din noul val de diarhee made in ro].
o facatura care are o urma de idee buna in centru: e nasol sa fii plod de curva, e nasol sa fii la casa de corectzie, e nasol sa se intoarca curva de ma'ta si sa vrea sa'l ia dupa ea pe frat'tu. care probabil tot la casa de corectzie o sa ajunga.
ce e si mai nasol e ca filmu e o facatura festivaliera si cu tziganitate si mizerie si in care in fara de nijte injuraturi adresate de protagonist lu ma'sa nu se intampla nimic VERIDIC. scenaristu o arde shithollywood style si pune la cale o luare de osatici scoasa din cur, puritatea sufleteasca a protagonistului este vadita de dragostea pura pe care o poarta el unei pizde venite sa faca sondaje sociologice. si dorintza lui de mai bine este focalizata asupra fratelui cel mic.
unul din filmele alea filmate cu camera infipta in cur ca sa fie imaginea zdruncinata si veridica si sa placa la festivaluri. si o facatura destul de proasta incat atunci cand face bine si se termina draq odata iti vine sa te duci in cabina de proiectzie si sa te caci pe role.
[trailer]
al doilea descent este
1. inutil
2. scremut
3. capabil de cateva momente mijto
4. prost regizat, cu prea multa lumina in pejtera, prea putina claustrofobie si
5. prost scenarizat.
totushi se putea sa fie much worse. sunt curios apropos de centurionu lu neil marshall. care s-a vandut ca ultimu curv cand a dat acordul la sequelizare, dar come to think about it si cojmarurile de pe elm street au inceput bine si au dat-o in sequeluri jenante. poate descent 7 va fi si el bun.
[trailer]
alice in wonderland este o dezamagire cam mare. burton nu mai cu ce? e de vina scenariuL? sau Disney? sau pur si simplu ar trebui ca epoca de glorie a lui burton sa fie inchisa odata cu Sleepy Hollow? de la care au trecut 10 ani lipsitzi de capodpere burtoniene [big fish e bun si e nice dar capodpera it ain't, charlie and the chocolate factory este minunat si toxic colrizat si tot nu-i capodopera, desi everitzele este geniale, planet of the fucking apes is just WRONG, corpse bride nu a beneficiat de simpatiile lu zombie6, sweeney todd este un futut de muzicacal, si oricat grandguignol ar fi pe acolo si oricum ar fi story-ul chelalaiturile nu sunt deloc ok]
deci alice ar fi trebuit sa fie o re-imaginare. cu o poveste cursiva [a zis-o burton cu guritza lui intr-un interviu ca la el alice va fi un intreg nu o fuga intre varii momente si personagii] si cu ceva tushe gotice specifice auteurului.
dar alice e o belmejeala fara sens, cu disney-isme jenante [cainele cu puii ostatici, marea lupta de la final, soarecul curajos, WTF], mult prea mult johnny depp. un johnny depp infect, deja redus la o caricatura scarbavnica si believe it or not filmu acre ar fi trebuit sa fie o naratziune cursiva despre alice in tara de sub pamant este parazitat de un story: mad hater, origins. WTF. WTF? in fine ultimu flm revazubil cu depp este once upon a time in mexico, de hat departe, prin 2004. sau 3.
nici personagiile nu sunt ok: pisica de cheshire este foarte simpatica. dar nu ar trebui sa fie simpatica, for fucks sake it is not casper the friendly ghost, ar trebui sa aiba un ranjet ameninzator. dar nu are. omida este deampulea, twedledee si tweedledam slaveaza cat de cat bucatzi din film. si regina alba care este the ultimate fucking creep. e sora cu regina roshie si deh, sechele au ambele. doar ca tarfatura numa ranjet si petale de ciresh pare capabila sa smulga cu dinzii capete, nu sa ceara sa fie taiate. deh, prost cu totul alice nu este. dar e fundamenthal eronat si 3d-ul pizdii acopera pe moment fisurile si mocirlele. dar post-festum iti cam dai seama ca na fost nciun festum.
si te bate gandu ca disney poate scoate repede vreo 5 sequeluri. in care sa apara eventual si fratzii jonas, miley cirus sau alte tarfaturi gen zack efron.
cel mai nice lucru din flm sunt, de fapt capetele taiate din santzul de la castelul de inima roshie. si madam helena bonham chiar aduce a mickey mouse in versiunea de south park.
dar per ansamblu e pacat si 3D-ul nu are profunzime decat din cand in cand.
si zombie6 spera ca johnny depp sa crape draq inainte de filmarile la frankenweenie. pentru ca daca se cacarisejte deampulea si pe acolo ar fi tragic.
top 30 [+] horror movies of the noughties.
the decade ended with a black president in the white house. just like in most disaster movies of the '90s! and honestly the recently ended noughties were quite a disaster decade. of course the spreading of internet [and especially internet-porn] is a thing worth praising. but all the 9/11 affair and its consequences do not exactly qualify as anything than horrible. it was a bad decade for mainstream cinema, as quality dropped horribly and movies became more and more retarded. mediocrity was over-praised [yeap, i mean The Dark Knight, Juno, LOTR trilogy], movies became shittier, longer and much more expensive [the x-men saga, the Pirates of the Caraibean],comedies became unwatchable [apatow shit with disgusting mutants as horny protagonists, the disgusting milf in desperate need for young cock and romance movies starring sandra bullock or renee zwelleger]. at least we finally got read of the action hero gap [left unfilled by Vin Diesel]: Gerard Butler and Jason Statham filled that pretty well. but as hollywood does promote shitty queerish teens [zack efron, shia lebouef] as action stars the very notion of manhood seems to be disintegrating.
so the noughties were a very bad decade. BUT as it always happens, when things go bad with the world, society, politics or tsunamies the naughty gory horror genre does flourish. it prospers. horror auteurs come up with brand new masterpieces.it did certainly happen within the past 10 years. here follows a top 20 [with 10 most honourable mentions].
the honorable mentions:
[30]
the Resident Evil Trilogy [2002, 2004, 2007]
[RE-Extinction trailer]
the Resident Evil trilogy. especially the second and third movies. why? beacuse it brought the zombies back in the trend, because it was the very 1st time zombie movies were in the mainstream. without it we wouldn't have had the new Romero movies. some less fortunate movies [such as the shite-fest zombieland and the day of the dead and dawn of the dead worthless remakes ]. and hey, Milla Jovovich is HOT. the Raccoon City apocalypse is certainly worth watching and the Extinction has a very visual retro stuff.
[29]
The Host [aka Gwoemul, Joon-ho Bong, 2006]
[trailer]
very nice and intriguing movie. over-hyped as masterpiece by people who were totally unaware of Korean cinema and its twisted ways of mixing melodrama with unusual gore and humor. all in all the story of an equally retarded and gifted family that fights a new kind of monster in order to save a little girl.
[28]
Outpost [Steve Barker 2008]
[trailer]
it's nazi zombies! oh, wait... it's nazis ghost-zombies trapped in a parallel universe. and they become "real" when a steam-punk piece of machinery is investigated by a scientific guy. so soldiers of fortune fight for their lives against un-dead, un-real nazi zombies. trully creepy, beautifully shot, rather cool and certainly the best nazi-zombie movie since jean rollin's zombie lake.
[27]
The Hills Have Eyes [Alexandre Aja, 2006]
[trailer]
best horror remake ever. the storyline remains the same [family gets trampled by nuclear mutants somewhere in the desert] the tag-line stays the same [the lucky ones died first]. unlike wes craven's shitty original movie aja's remake has better pacing, better dialogue, better gore. much better mutants, much better acting. and yes, it does have a bigger point than "nuclear experiments are BAD": it cynically tortures, rapes, mudereds the picture-perfect american family. that's entertainment.
[26]
house of 1000 corpses [rob zombie 2003]
[trailer]
it's not exactly what the tagline promises. it's not exactly the kill bill of slasher movies. but it is a shrine to a wonderful genre. written, directed and acted with both irony and enthousiasm. insane witty carnage. patchwork of references, quotations and guts. zombie6 loved it.
the devil's rejects [rob zombie, 2005]
well, it's a little cheating. two movies sharing the same spot. it's justifiable by means of sequel, but the devil's rejects differs totally from house of 1000 corpses. it's not about paying tribute or homage to classic horror movies. it's all about shooting, rage, murderous rampage, sticking it up to the system when everything seems lost. it's got the looks and vibe of a very nasty renegade grindhouse movies of the 70s.
[25]
mum and dad [steven sheil, 2008]
[trailer]
british take on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. immigrant girl is lured into the home a british family. she she gets imprisoned, raped, used and abused. by a seemingly regular inbred british family. sickening and fascinating characters and a very well conceived M.O for the murderous family. maybe an echo of the fritzl affair.
[24]
end of the line [maurice devereaux, 2007]
[trailer]
not the first, nor the last but certainly the best, most fucked-up and strange underground railway horror movie. the members of a cult are preparing for the alien-induced invasion and apocalypse. they do this by murdering all people so their souls would end-up in the fucking heavens. a strange and messy story that ends unfuckingbelievably.
[23]
slither [james gunn, 2006]
[trailer]
totally funny. awsomely disgusting. bestest possible 80s horror comedy revival. baisically it manages to recreate that almost imposible to fake 80s american horror-com vibe, equally nauseating and amuzing. it stars nathan fillion, one of zombie6's favorite actors
[22]
Land of the Dead [George A Romero, 2005]
[trailer]
Romero's biggest and most political zombie flick. awesomely shot, extremely socially-aware, with zombies who gaze at fireworks and zombies who, despite having rotten brains somehow manage to think. the thinking part does not exactly please zombie6.
[21]
Underworld trilogy [2003, 2006, 2009]
[trailer, trailer Evolution, trailer Rise of the Lycans]
the 1st underworld was a very fresh, extremely sexy, guilty pleasure supreme starring Kate Beckinsale. the story about how after centuries of being enslaved and oppressed by the all-mighty vampires the lycans [that's werewolves, d'oh] seem to have found their way outta the unpleasant situation is just a background for the extremely sexy inter-species romance that develops between Selene the uber-sexy vampire and Corvin, the human who was to become a very powerful cross-breed lycan-vampire. steam punk-ish, stylish, loveable movie. the second one came from the very underbelly of the video-nasties and was gory and blissfull and wonderful. the prequel lacks both Beckinsale and Speedman but it's worth a look.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
[20]
the children [tom shankland, 2009]
[trailer]
totally worth a look slasher. with kids as ferocious [infected?] murderers. and some totally awesome murders. it also got the gore/scares/emotion very right. and seeing beautiful little shits being eradicated by their own parents is certainly an extraordinary idea. the mood and vibe are very 70s, the acting is very solid and it even ends the way it should end.
[19]
the broken [sean ellis, 2008]
[trailer]
it's new millennium's take on the very classical Invasion of the Body Snatchers. one confused woman tries to figure out who or what are the people pretending to be their friends and family. and why the mirrors get broken. beautifully shot, with some genuinely creepy moments and an overall somber and terrifying mood.
[18]
the ruins [carter smith, 2008]
[trailer]
it's not exactly survival horror. it somehow feels like body horror. and it's a very smart movie: it does remind us that nature was never our friend. having seen carter smith's previous gay horror short movie [bugcrush, absolutely creepy] zombie6 had very high expectations. and he was not at all disappointed. young americans getting infected, demented and killed by some strange plants from an ancient maya [or inka?] pyramid.
[17]
sheitan [kim, chapiron, 2006]
[trailer]
equally funny and gory. vincent cassel is very cool. and can be very creepy. especially when his entire family looks just like him. some unfortunate parisian teenagers find out some of the very disturbing things the cassel lookalikes are up to in their remote french mansion. eye-popping. or pooping.
[16]
antarctic journal [pill-sung yim, 2005]
[trailer]
woow. some [south]korean expedition tries to reach a very special [as in remote, extremely cold and without any radio waves coverage] antarctic spot. they grow insane [could it be some micro-organism in the snow/water?] and so does the viewer. very dark and psychotic mood inducing movie. no gore, no explanations. just mounting anxiety and horrible vibes.
[15]
wolfcreek [greg maclean, 2005]
[trailer]
the story is just like Texas Chainsaw Massacre: based on true facts and it involves teenagers going in the middle of fucking nowhere and getting killed by insane man. so pure slasher? survival horror? yes and yes. but also an extremely well mixed cocktail of gore and suspense. not a reboot for an entire genre [that would be All the boys Love Mandy Lane] but an extremely well acted and directed movie.
[14]
final destination [1-2-3]
[trailer]
re-invention of teen-age slasher? not quite. the stories of some kids who get to escape a horrible death. once. and death itself chases them and arranges some extremely fascinating and utterly absurdly horrible individual deaths for each of them. it's not about escaping death, it is about the mechanics of absurd. and it is rather well done.
[13]
the Descent [Neil Marshall, 2005]
[trailer]
8 women descent into a cave. where they fight some very creepy things. and their own selves. neil marshall's debut movie was a very nice and tongue-in-cheek werewolf flick, Dog Soldiers. well recieved by horror audiences. the descent is very praised, but not over-praised. it has a great scare level and some very deep and discrete character development. nothing is cheap, small or dismissablea about it.
[12]
Murder Party [Jeremy Saulnier, 2007]
[trailer]
truly an underground masterpiece. low budget, big heart, brilliant script. lots of gore and some very good laughs. lonely nerdish failure finds an invitation for a halloween party. he is, to his surprise, the guest of honor. and he's supposed to get killed by some failed hipster arty farty wannabees. he just tries to make it alive out his captivity.
[11]
Splinter [Toby Wilkins, 2008]
[trailer]
somewhere very in between body horror, zombie movie and with a very nasty 'nature does not like us' undertone. some guys are trapped in a gas stop. in the middle of some forests that crawl with an extremely vicious kind of mold. that infects every living thing and reanimates any dead thing. you might call it night of the living-dead roadkill. awseome, gruesome and very hard to forget.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
[10]
Eden Log [Franck Vestiel]
[trailer]
it's more of an arty sci-fi with zombies movies than straight horror. but it got all the vibe, mystery and creeps it needs. and even more. the almost total lack of dialogue does wonders for a very artistic experiment. sometime in the future, some amnesiac traverls underground. sorrounded by mutants and maybe it's all just an experiment gone terribly wrong
[09]
Ginger Snaps trilogy [ 2000, 2004, 2004]
[trailer1, trailer 2, trailer 3]
it was high time somebody did justice to the worewolves. always trapped in shitty movies, until the fucking noughties. when 3 very good things happened: the Underworld trilogy, Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers and the Ginger Snaps movies. that deal with teen-age female werewolves. sisters. attracted to the morbid and macabre. one might say goth/emo siblings. until one of them gets bitten. what actually happens is very well scripted, very metaphoric [the high-school, the mental institutions and the myths about the pioneers of civilizations get all their share of guts and drama] and emotionally and sexually disturbing as things get this trilogy is really worth watching.
[08]
FEAST trilogy [ John Gulager, 2005, 2008, 2009]
[trailer1, trailer 2, trailer 3]
one of the most demented, gore-ish, COOL beyond comprehension and utterly amazing monster [or demon?] features EVER. the trailers try to make some sense out of a gruesome monster attack and imply it was all a government experiment. that is not to be seen/heard in any of the movies. but in between biker lesbos, luchador midgets, severed members and very dishonorable dismisses the FEAST movies have a very unique and unworldly logic, a twisted sense of humor, some sickening moments and are a total gore-fest. over-the-top might be a severe understatement.
[07]
Martyrs [Pascal Laugier, 2008]
[trailer]
officially invented by one of the most retarded "directors" ever [eli roth and his hostels] the torture porn had it's good moments , it's very shitty movies and, when least expected was given a purpose and some very ultimate meaning. the man responsible for giving torture-porn it's raison d'etre is, of course, a french guy: Pascal Laugier. who come up with a story about 2 young girls [lesbo under-tones fully developed] who reunite as one of them had just slaughtered one innocent family. what follows is evidence the family were not at all innocent and that some people use torture for VERY strong reasons. so tense that it is almost unbearable, with a sickening and brilliant idea behind an apparently absurd plot. a true gem.
[06]
The Signal [David Bruckner, Dan Bush, Jacob Gentry, 2007]
[trailer]
some movies are just too smart for their own good. the signal is a classic example of how a wonderful script and some very smart mixture of laughs, guts, love anger and despair might not reach out to most idiots who like shitty asian remakes with stupid cunts getting scared of their own fucking shadows.
what actually happens in the signal happens three times, form 3 distinct yet connected POVS: boy loves girl, girl cheats on boy, girl runs. boy captures love rival. then a signal coming from TVs, radios, mobile phones turn everybody into violent lunatics. the madness is an on-off thing [this makes the movie a truly awesome experience, not for the characters who might regain lucidity and ponder with horror on their very recent, very bloody actions against others and each-other]. yes, it is somehow related to Romero's The Crazies and it does involve pure brilliance.
[05]
Diary of the Dead [George A Romero, 2007]
[trailer]
Romero gets back to the very first days of the zombie apocalypse. he does it with laughs, gore and most relevant, with a very clear "ars poetica" of the zombie-movies. what Romero studies is not the breakdown of an entire civilization but the relationship between film and reality, media and individual. he makes it clear: rotting corpses cannot run or jump, it really is likely for someone to trip exactly in the wrong moment and yes, the living are more dangerous [as in stupid, selfish, gullible] than the living-dead
[04]
Hyena [Grzegorz Lewandowski, 2006]
[trailer]
polish story about childhood. as strange as it can get in an anonymous and almost abandoned mining village from poland. where darkness has its own texture, people are strange, poor and morally corrupt. and where it is rumored a hyena escaped from the zoo is lurking. a strange man wearing a freedy krueger stripped t-shirt is back. and kids start dying. it's unlike anything i've sen before and truly a masterpiece.
[03]
Deathwatch [Michael J. Bassett, 2002]
[trailer]
somewhere, in the muddy trenches of WW1 some british soldiers capture a german soldier. after killing some of his brothers in arms. what they don't quite grasp is the other-worldy dark vibe that infested their new trench. they think all the weird shit going on [night turning into day, the german's strange behavior] is due to some gases used. the radio isn't working and as things go on all the hatred, incompetence, violence and dementia from within the characters resurfaces. barbwire has a strange habit of going through corpses, there is blood within he mud and... is it a hallucination? are they all dead? are they being tested?
very good writing, some good performances and a brand new take on "war is hell"
[02]
Lat der ratte komma in [aka Let the Right One In, Thomas Aldredson, 2008]
[trailer]
the vampire needed desperately an upgrade. a new perspective. Romero tried it in the 70s with Martin, in the 80s tony scott directed Hunger and Bigelow came up with Near Dark. the 90s were a whorrible cultural desert. and then Let the Right One In came from Sweden. visually outstanding, with an emotional childhood romance story. the bar was set very high, but that didn't stop a remake made in the us of a from being shot. blond kids falls in love with very cute brunette girl. he is lonely and often bullied at school. she is a vampire relying on an old man for obtaining her much-needed red liquid diet juice.
wonderfull is the right world for describing it.
[01]
Nochnoy Dozor & Dnevnoy Dozor [aka Night Watch & Day Watch Timur Bekmambetov, 2004, 2006]
[trailer nightwatch trailer daywatch]
very difficult to pin or describe the pure brilliance of these 2 russian fantasy blockbusters. in Moscow 2 groups of "others" control each other and the delicate balance between Good and Evil that was established hundreds of years ago. the Night Watch belongs to he "good ones", and the "bad guys" are in charge of the Day Watch. now "the others" are shape-shifters, vampires, witches. and the notions of "good" and "evil" are extremely relative. not at all relative are the awesome visual effects and the intelligent story. Timur Bekmametov's movies have taken him right to hollywood [wanted, the Angelina-Jolie movie].
dulcele sarut al daliei [james ellroy]
black dahlia este startul cvartetului de LA. si, in dezordinea lucrurilor, a trei carte din cvartet pe care o citejte zombie6. este fucking brilliant ca si celelalte doua. mai putin complexa decat LA confidential si mai putzin feroce decat Big Nowhere. ba chiar optimistica. intr-un fel cam nasol si plin de tradari, futaiuri, minciuni, hoituri mai mult mai mai putin proaspete.
o chestie care trebe stiuta: mama lu ellroy a fost gasita fututa si ucisa pe un maidan [dupa cum scrie si in crime wave] . exact ca elizabeth short.
nu stiu cum arata muma lui ellroy dar madam liz short arata asa
cand au gasit-o politistii, pe 15 januarie 1947 nu mai arta la fel de bine.
grusome, n'est pas?
si cartea este destul de brutala. pornejte de la amicitzia a doi juni politzai. fiecare cu mizeriile proprii, ambii boxeuri dar amici pe bune. se duce spre tijuana si spre secretele scabroase din hollywoodland. climaxeaza parztial cand land-ul se pierde si pe dealuri nu mai scrie decat hollywood. ofera o solutzie si chiar ceva justitzie lu elizabeth short. in real life nu au existat nici solutzii, nici justitzii. crima, famozisima ca Black Dahlia este nerezolvata.
genial e modul in care junele si ambitziosul jidow ellis loew vrea sa exploiteze the grusome murder. pana se afla ca juna incoenta care fusese matrashita in acel mod memorbail nu era un ingerash cu boticul albit de la spuma de lapte si norishori ci o taratura debila care si-o tragea cu totzi soldatii. ellroy nareaza la peresoana 1 si deh, e cartea in care se implica cel mai mult [pe rezon de ma'sa]. ca thriller este extrem de convingator si poate chiar cam conventional [cu nijte puncte de maxim interes apropos de character development - toti se evolueaza spre dmeentza si obsesie apropos de hoita liz short] dar face toti banii.
peste cca o luna voi revdea si filmu lu de palma. pe care mi-l amintesc ca deloc prost.
clubul dumas [arturo perez-reverte]
am dat 5 ron pe carte. am transportat-o de la iassy la buchurejti si ulterior in beljia.
stiam ca perez-reverte poa sa scrie Bine [husarul]
nu stiam ca asta e cartea dupa care s-a facut 9th gate-ul polanskian.
nu ma asteptam ca romanul sa fie un jeg mediocru. dar deh, se bazeaza pe romanul "popular" aka "foileton" deci standardul e din start cazut.
acum ce-i drept, nu m-am chinuit complet deageaba cu cele 500 de pagini de gargara inoportuna. am aflat acteva chestii dsp alexandre dumas [ care era semi-mulatru, ca avea cacalau de bani dar ca nu era capabil sa economiseasca pentru ca dadea de baut si mancat la tot anturaju si la toate tarfaturile, ca de fapt auguste maquet -sau acam asa ceva- scria 70% din romane, ca era gras]
de ce pizda lu fecioara maria trebuia bagat si cacanaul cu cartea celor 9 portzi in naratziunea cu clubu dumas zau ca nu inteleg. ca sa complice lucrurile.
inutil si ne-inspirat. mai ales ca lucas corso, protagonistu este de-o pasivitate sinistra.
ca sa nu mai zic despre cum ii da pe nas lu reverte muistlacul cacatlolic si cum de fapt diavolu are pizda [de aia sug catolicii cu indrajire de pula lu isus si de aia le fut preotzii lor copii, pentru ca totzi cred la nivel inconjtient ca pizda este EVIL]
pe scurt, citind clubu dumas mi-am dat seama ca am avut muuulta dreptate cand mic fiind am antipatizat cu cei 3 mujchetari. si ca dumas tatal n-o sa mai citecs. poate candva, o sa arunc un ochi peste dumas-fiul.
oricum cartea merge la reciclaj de hartie si in urmatoarele luni nici perez-reverte n-o sa mai citesc.
de ce citejte zombie6 reviste
pt ca in revistele bune exista intodeauna poze cu mutantzi
pentru ca in revistele bune se pot gasi texte minunate scrise despre subiecte de cultura mega-universala, cum ar destinul lui sylvia kristel si fenomenul emanuelle.
pentru ca in revistele Geniale madam dita von tease se racorejte la vaginul cuprins de firbintzeala.
pentru photouri bine alese
si pentru ca nu poa sa citeasca doar cartzi ca ar zice dracu lumea ca se da intelectual.
